"When I read books wearing my professional hat, I’m looking for two things: ideas I can use in my practice, and books I can recommend to clients. This book passed both these tests. Within minutes of reading I was on the Internet downloading an article for a client, and I recommended the book to another client even before I finished it.

"Like many relationship counsellors, I regularly see clients trying to make a decision about the future of their relationship, and agonising over whether or not to separate. Faced with mire of folklore and pop psychology’, and a barrage of opinions based on values and ideals that they may or may not share, some find it an overwhelming responsibility. Many of them are concerned about the negative effect their decision will have on important others. They want to make the 'right' decision and doubt the 'rightness' of what they are contemplating. It is particularly difficult for those with religious beliefs about the permanence and sanctity of marriage.

"While there is a plethora of 'how to' books and magazine articles on improving relationships, and on rebuilding a life following separation, there are few good books that focus on how to make an ethical decision. Graeme Davidson’s book fills this gap by addressing the ethical questions, and providing principles and guidelines. He offers sound unbiased advice, and gives information on research, demographics and statistics in a readable, digestible form. He discusses the inconsistencies of research findings, presents the case for staying and the case for leaving, and outlines the possible effects of divorce on children. Although the main focus is on Western style marriage, I believe this book will be helpful for anyone contemplating ending any serious close relationship.

"The first part of the book examines what leads people to begin questioning the viability of their relationship. He describes the stages of love and the birth of discontent. If discontent becomes high, thoughts of leaving begin to occur and a decision zone is reached. From then on any negative incident compounds the discontent until a turning point, where a choice is made either to give the relationship another chance, or to go. He differentiates between 'crisis discontent' and 'creeping discontent'. He explores the warning signs that someone is thinking of leaving and provides a marriage barometer that confirms what is good in a relationship, highlights areas for improvement, as well as showing if a relationship is in serious trouble. This barometer would be a useful assessment tool.

"The second part of the book identifies principles that ethically justify ending a relationship. Each principle is explained and explored in depth and guidelines are provided. Motives for leaving are questioned and the reader is encouraged to explore the possibility of salvaging the relationship. He warns against ‘going through the motions’ of attempting to fix a relationship, when a decision to leave has already been made. He provides a series of templates that can be used to assess the relationship, clarify feelings and beliefs, address the issues and plan for the future. These are not 'tick the box' questionnaires, but ask searching questions about the difficulties, and about the positive and negative aspects of the relationship and the effects of these. The effects are scaled and rated according to importance. He recommends that the reader revisits and revises the templates over a period of weeks and months, as well as talking to a trusted friend or counsellor, before taking action.

"Graeme Davison has worked as a clinical psychologist, counsellor and Anglican priest over a span of forty years. He graduated from Victoria University and Oxford University with degrees in Psychology, Theology and Philosophy. As well as his clinical experience, he has been through the pain and disruption of a divorce himself, which he describes briefly and with restraint. His book is a welcome addition to the field and I believe could be used effectively with individuals or couples, to complement counselling."

Mig Wright, Book Review, NZAC Newsletter, September 2005